New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
