i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
