I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
