Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he puts the penis in happiness.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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