My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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