return my video game
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
