My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
