How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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