She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
