i jhust puked up my retainher.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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