This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
