Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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