This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
