dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize