You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
