I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
