No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
