What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
