Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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