Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
