I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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