His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
