White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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