What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
