i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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