Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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