Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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