He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
