Jerry, you need to find god
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
