Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
