my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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