hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she pinky promised me she was 18
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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