Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
