Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
