Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
