If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
