I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
