I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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