1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
