Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
