Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
