dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize