can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
