I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
