ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
