Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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