Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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