Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
