yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
