Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's never too late to be topless.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
