first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
