I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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