i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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