You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
