There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
