what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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