oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
