I cannot find my penis.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
