I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize