You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
